Sunday, November 7, 2010

Self-loathing takes hold once again. It seems as though the only time I'm truly happy is when I'm talking to him, and that makes me feel weird because I've never even met him properly. And even then I feel like he's going to get sick of me eventually, because everyone does. But back to the subject.

I know the link to this is on my facebook, but I doubt anyone actually reads it except a select few, and they've told me they read it so I know who it is.

I think my depression's slowly getting worse. I don't know if it's because of my recent relationship failures or what, I don't think it is or should be, because I was only with Ben for a week so it's not like I was in love with him or anything. I just feel so down all the time, like no one would even notice if I just disappeared, faded into nothing. I feel like everyone's out to get me, they hate me, they don't want me around. I'm a failure, a fake, a worthless piece of nothing. All day I'm just waiting for the moment I can get home, close my door, chuck my bag on the floor and collapse onto my bed and start crying. I hate it, the pills are meant to stop me from feeling like this. I can't tell anyone because they say it's just normal teenage problems, but I seriously doubt that. If all teenagers felt like this, the suicide rates would be much higher.

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