Monday, November 15, 2010
I didn’t let him go. He went. It’s not my fault. He did it. He could undo it. This is feeling so fucking familiar. Why do we even bother? Why do we make ourselves so open to such easy damage? Is it all loneliness? Is it all fear? Or is it just to experience those narcotic moments of belonging with someone else. Didn’t you know it was as simple as the way you dragged me out the door? You didn’t have to make out with me to get me there. And now I know this. And now I can say this. And now you’re gone. It’s my fault, isn’t it? Fuck this. Fuck this wondering. Fuck this trying and trying. Fuck this idea that two people can become one ideal. Fuck this helplessness. Fuck this waiting for something to happen that probably won’t ever happen.