What do I believe in?
Well, my pragmatism and romantic feelings about Jesus and Mary were almost equally balanced. A few years ago I would have said God without hesitation.
The year after that I decided it was determinism.
And this year I believe that the universe is arbitrary, that if God exists he does not hear our prayers, that cause and effect are inescapable and brutal, but meaningless.
After that?
I don't have a clue.