Here's the sick, twisted thing: part of me thinks I deserve this. That maybe if I wasn't such an asshole, it might have turned into something real. If I wasn't such a lame excuse for a person, something right might happen to me. It's not fair, because I didn't ask for Dad to leave, and I didn't ask to be depressed, and I didn't ask for us to have no money, and I didn't ask to want to fuck boys, and I didn't ask to be so stupid, and I didn't ask to have no real friends, and I didn't ask to have half the shit that comes out of my mouth come out of my mouth. All I wanted was one fucking break, one idiotic good thing, and that was clearly too much to ask for, too much to want.
I don't understand why everyone puts up with me.
Am I that pathetic? Do they get a merit badge for picking up the pieces of a wrecked human being?